5/30/2020


This was supposed to be a weekend where we (hubs, offspring, and myself) went camping.  A way to reconnect and decompress and all that bullshit.

Instead, I’m planning on going home tomorrow.  By myself.  Screw this.

Everything started out ok.  And the, as expected, I ruined everything.  But I’m tired.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one who tries. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the “second best.”  I’m the second choice of parent. I’m the second choice for new hires.  I’m the second choice for everything.  I’ve never once  NEVER been good enough for anyone or for anything.

I quit.  I’m just not interested in fighting the fight to be anyone’s first choice.

I never ever have been good enough or anyone’s first choice.

And that’s fine. I’ve been living with that knowledge for 50+ years.  I will always be the asterisk or the aside.. for my husband; for my child; for everyone and everything.