What is it About My Personality?

 Sept 26, 2022

What is it about my personality that doesn't win friends or influence people?  Why do I make fast friends with some people but don't with others?  Why do people find me irritating?

Chris had asked me to be the trial chair for Canine Capers while she was still alive.  I was the Trial Chair for both USDAA and AKC.  When she passed, I moved to the Trial Secretary role, and Patty took over as Trial Chair.  I had done a lot of work before Chris passed; I had lined up the ring captains, lined up judges for the next 4 years, created new certificates, was learning how to trial secretary from Chris, etc.

I really enjoyed being the trial secretary.  And I got a LOT of compliments on how things were handled and how smoothly they went.  So many people came up to me both at the trial and before or after to thank me for taking on the trial secretary job and doing a good job of it.  But Patty and I did not get along.  In fact, she emailed me on September 3rd saying the following:

"I genuinely appreciate your hard work making this trial come together.  However, I do not appreciate that you do not respect the Trial Chair position (you don't have to respect me personally).  You have made all of the arrangement for the RVS and I have stepped back and allowed that but I did want to make you aware of the information I received.  If you feel it is not a valid concern, then you make that call and you own it. I will not be contacting Wills Park.  I know we both want this trial to go smoothly but honestly, my experience working with you has really soured my enthusiasm for the trial."

This all stemmed from the fact that I was contacting Wills Park before she was, and we were getting conflicting information.  The RV reservations were coming to me, I was trying to get clear information and what patty told me and what WP told me were two different things. She was also upset that the ring captains - who I had arranged for - were contacting me instead of her with concerns.

When I got the email, I called Jan.  She said she wasn't aware of any problems between the two of us, but that we would sit down after the trial ended to discuss what worked and what didn't. 

Then today, I was told that the club would prefer to pay someone to be the trial secretary, and that my services were no longer needed.  Who made that decision?  

Patty. 

Jan is the president of CC, and Patty is her best friend.  When Chris died, everything fell into Jan's lap.  Jan was the VP, and when she became President, she moved Patty into the VP role.  I'm not mad about that; I work, they're both retired, and they both teach classes at CC.  

I am however, upset because I know that Patty pushed for it because she didn't like working with me, and Jan went along.  She thought I undermined everything she was doing, instead of looking at it from my point of view:  I had established those contacts and people were more comfortable coming to me.  

But now for the real question...

What is it about my personality that people find so irritating?  Why am I even asking that?  I know what it is.  My ADD/OCD makes me take on things that I shouldn't.  Not things that I can't do, but things that make me spread myself thin (thanks OCD).  I also give my opinion and talk when I shouldn't, which makes me seem like a know-it-all (thanks, ADD).   I've lost friends because of this, and I'm honestly surprised that anyone wants to be my friend. 

I'm honestly at that point where I don't want to talk to anyone.  I don't want to ask people for their opinion, and I don't want to ask anyone for help, and I don't want anyone to ask me for anything.  I don't want to volunteer to help anyone, or offer anyone assistance.  Need help?  Find someone else.  

Part of me is petty.  If the management company of where our training facility is located fond out that Chris had died, we would lose our lease on the building.  As tempted as I am to contact them and let them know, thereby losing the lease on the building, where would I train?  Where would I go?  I seem to irritate everyone.