Sad or Selfish?

1.4.16, pt 2

I got my butt yelled at today.

By my trainer.

When I got out to the barn, I was still wallowing in self misery.  The hubs says I will be the worst empty-nester in the history of empty nests.  All I could think about was how the Squid will be leaving me behind, and how I'm losing my best friend/partner in crime.

Nicky yelled at me, and told me to stop being selfish.  She said that I wasn't worried about the Squid and how she was going to do at college, but worried about myself, and how I was going to deal with her being gone.  She said that I needed to stop making her graduation all about me, and start accepting the fact that she was going to go off to school and not be around all the time.

Hattie said that the Squid and I will still do things together, and that she's not going to be far away.  We may not get to do things as often as we do now, but we will do them.

Since the Squid was born, we've lived in Ormewood Park, Douglasville, Grant Park/Eastlake, and now Dunwoody.  The only time that I've really had friends to do things with was when I lived in Grant Park.  I don't have friends out here in Dunwoody; I have acquaintances from high school volleyball, but no real friends.  I have friends that I've made from club volleyball, but their girls are graduating also.

I'll admit that I'm lost.  I don't know how to be a person who isn't a mother full time, and who doesn't have their child with them.  I'm not talking about having to keep the Squid with me 24/7.  There are days that we only see each other in passing.

I'm going to be lost when I have to face the idea that she is 8 hours away, and isn't going to be available for trips to the store or concerts.  I'm jealous of the fact that she's going to go out and make friends that I don't and won't know about, and that she is going to experience new things with them and not me.